Can I be your Tinderella? [EXPLICIT]

If you haven't heard of the dating app Tinder, then you've been living under a rock for the past year or so. The idea is simple: you are shown a series of people who live within a radius of you, you see their photo and swipe left if its a 'no thanks' or right if you like what you see. If both people swipe right, then you are allowed to start talking. Forget love as first sight, this is the 21st century and its all about lust at first sight.

I downloaded Tinder as a joke with my flatmates one evening, and our time was divided fairly equally between belly aching laughter and squeals of delight. A few months down the line, and I still have the app on my phone. My intentions aren't to 'date' someone, and I'm certainly not using it as a way to find random shags - which seems to be the common use of Tinder. I rarely start talking to people, and have never met up with someone through Tinder. So why have I kept it? Boredom is probably an honest answer, a few minutes spent laughing at the profiles brings out the worse in me. Vanity is a more honest answer - it is an ego boost. The thrill of matching with someone who is astronomically fitter than me will always be very, very flattering.

I most certainly do not keep Tinder for the conversation. It seems to be okay to say all sorts of weird things to strangers if you're not actually talking to them. Check out 'instagranniepants' on instagram for a real look at the stuff men find acceptable to say. Common opening lines seem to be: ''sit on my face'', ''you're crying out to be spanked'' and ''when you're eating watermelon, do you spit or swallow the seeds?'' - and bizarrely some men are really confused when they get no reply.

 I'm not even shocked by what people type any more - I've had more eyebrow raising moments with the profile pictures some men have chosen:

For once in my life, I have been rendered speechless. I'm not even sure if they middle picture is medically okay?!

I worry. I worry that its become a social norm to ask a girl about her fellatio techniques and show her a photo of your penis before you've even asked how their day has gone. I worry that what has become 'acceptable' online will quickly become acceptable in real life. I worry that I've become more judgemental: I swipe left on people called Jerry or Gary because I irrationally don't like the names. I'm now aware that I'm more likely to swipe right on someone if they have a picture of them and a puppy, but if they're surrounded by loads of girls its an instant 'no'. Is the new world of dating really going to be conducted online? Perhaps I'm being old fashioned, a friend of mine is currently on a date with someone she's met on Tinder - and she hasn't texted me to rescue her so I'm assuming it is going well.

I'm not sure I like 'lust at first sight', but I don't believe in 'love at first sight' either. I don't want to be your Tinderella, and I'm not that keen on being Cinderella either... Can I just be Issy?


Check out this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/people-that-shouldnt-be-on-tinder